Selling Nostalgia

When I was newly pregnant and even shortly after Lil' Bit's birth, I used to wander the toy aisles scoping out all the toys, looking to see what was new since I was a kid.  And, if I came across a toy from my childhood, I got giddy at the thought of buying it for her so she could have as much enjoyment as I did playing with it.  But, here's the thing, it only works with *some* toys.  Things like Lincoln Logs or Legos are fun because you get to build things with them and that doesn't change from generation to generation.  [I speak only of the "regular" Legos and do not include the new "girl" Legos as I think they are an affront to females everywhere.  But, I digress.]  Care Bears, Cabbage Patch Kids, GI Joe, Transformers, My Little Pony, and Strawberry Shortcake can get facelifts and be sold for years into the future as well.

It works less well with what I call "household item" toys.  In particular, I remember seeing two Fisher Price toys that I loved when I was a kid and initially wanted to snatch right off of the shelf then and there, so I would have them for her to play with--the record player and telephone:

Fortunately, I overcame my impulse and didn't buy them, for which I am grateful.  See, as Lil' Bit has grown up, I realized that these toys would not be much fun for her.  What made them fun for me was that they were play versions of things my parents and older siblings had/used.  That is no longer true.  Lil' Bit loves her fake cell phone because it looks like mine.  A rotary phone and record-player don't have that same appeal.  At her age, she wants to do what we do and use what we use.  These objects don't fit that mold.

Watching Lil' Bit play with certain other toys has only reinforced my belief that this is true.  I have an old-school Winnie-the-Pooh Busy Box that was mine as a child.  It has switches, knobs, and dials which, when pressed, cause a character to pop up.  Lil' Bit mastered all of them quite easily--except the rotary dial.  Why?  Because she doesn't see one anywhere else so she has no behavior from which to learn how to use it.  I also got her a Super Grover remote, which she enjoys, but even that has issues--namely, rewind and fast-foward buttons.  When the buttons are pressed, Grover makes these great noises that are hilarious to anyone who ever had a VCR.  But for Lil' Bit, who has known only DVDs and DVRs, the sounds may be silly, but she'll never get the joke.

The truth is, toy companies are selling is nostalgia.  They are intentionally preying on our emotional attachment to our childhood to get us to buy toys for our kids.  I don't know that there's anything necessarily wrong with it, mind you, as long as we're aware of it.  Why?  Because if we give in and buy the toys, our kids may not play with them, or may not enjoy them the same way we did, and we might be disappointed.  This is not to say that we can't or shouldn't go ahead and indulge our nostalgia.  Besides, isn't that part of why we have kids in the first place--to have an excuse to buy toys for ourselves?  So go ahead.  Buy that record player and listen to that tinny, plinky version of "twinkle twinkle little star" as many times as you can stand, or run your fingers along the "needles" to make a cacophony of plinks.  Enjoy every second of your nostalgia.  Just be honest about it.

The Power of Elmo

Before I became a parent, I remember hearing parents talk about the character obsessions of their children.  The usual suspects included Barney, Sponge Bob, Dora, and Elmo.  I thought I had a vague understanding of what that must be like.  I have discovered that I had no idea.

Now, I will admit that I have worked hard to shape her obsession in the event she had one--which she clearly does.  I wanted it to be something I could tolerate.  And, overall, all things Sesame Street are good.  We have lots of books (that we read and reread endlessly) that have Big Bird and Snuffy, Cookie Monster, Ernie, Bert, etc.  She also used to love Abby and still plays with her Abby doll from time to time.  She has a Sesame Street playset and loves all the characters.  One of her favorite gives is to have Phil or me put on the stethoscope and she will hand us the characters one by one to listen to and make sure they are healthy.  She gives each one a smooch before tossing them away for the next one.  She loves watching the opening and closing credits of Sesame Street and points to every last one of the characters, every time, like it is something new to see them there.  And, having been a Sesame Street kid myself, I don't mind that this is her obsession.  There are way worse things in the world.  But, even within Sesame Street, there is a favorite.  You know who it is.  It's the same one every child under 5 gets hooked it.

My child is obsessed with Elmo.  With the rare exception of Super Grover (2.0), nothing but Elmo on the screen will do.  If Elmo isn't on the screen, she gets upset.  Even during Elmo's World, during the segments like Mr. Noodle, Elmo's email, or watching the whatever channel, she starts to get fussy.  I swear to you, it's like she's having withdrawal.  She turns to me and points to the remote, telling me in no uncertain terms that my job is to fast forward through anything that is not Elmo.  We also have an iPad app where Elmo teaches ABCs.  She will exit the app and restart it, over and over again, just to watch more Elmo, even though it's the same 30 seconds.  It's both adorable and annoying.

On the plus side, Elmo will tame the savage beast.  Having an uncontrollable fit?  Elmo to the rescue.  Refusing to take meds?  Bribe her with Elmo ("If you take your meds, you can go watch Elmo").  Turns out, Elmo is both the cause of, and cure for, many bad behaviors.  Still, nothing beats the look on her face when she receives a surprise Elmo present.  The other day, some friends of ours came over with something for Lil' Bit.  It turned out to be a big red fuzzy blanket with a huge Elmo face on it.  Among other things, she petted it, rolled around on it, twirled and danced on it, wrapped up in it, wore it like a cape, and kissed it.  I can only think of one or two other gifts she has received that she fell in love with so quickly that nothing else mattered.  [And, our friends get full points for giving such a great gift that doesn't make any noise or light up!]  So, whenever I experience moments where she's getting fussy because I am requiring her to have patience and suffer through non-Elmo scenes, I remember the sheer joy and hours of fun she has already had with a simple red blanket with a huge monster face on it.  And I am thankful for the power of Elmo.

Gender Roles

I grew up watching Free To Be You and Me.  For those who aren't familiar, it was a bunch of vignettes, most of which were about gender roles, with a very clear message that men and women, boys and girls, can all do any and everything equally.  It had all kinds of stars, including Mel Brooks and Michael Jackson.  There is a song sung by former football player Rosey Grier telling girls and boys that "It's Alright to Cry."  There are bits where moms and dads both do every kind of job.  There's even "William Wants a Doll," sung by Alan Alda, all about a boy who is great at sports and loves them, but what he really wants is a doll, and what happens when his grandmother gets him one. 

Now, whether it was strictly based on this, or, more likely, in addition to lots of other influences, I never really cared much about gender stereotypes growing up.  I played with with My Little Ponies and Strawberry Shortcake dolls, but I would just as likely go out and help my brother dig pits and blow up his GI Joe figurines with firecrackers (likely the beginning of my love of fire, but that's a different story).  I would climb trees wearing pantyhose and make-up.  I was good at math and science and was encouraged to become an engineer.  Even though I chose a different path, it's still a male-dominated field.  I asked many a guy out rather than waiting on him.  I even broke the big taboo and asked Phil to marry me--he wasn't getting around to it fast enough.  Needless to say, I have never felt terribly boxed in by gender roles.

As a result, I'm a big fan of letting kids be kids, regardless of what the gender stereotypes tell me they "should" be doing.  If little boys want their toenails painted because mom and sister are doing it, that's perfectly fine.  If girls want to play with blocks or tear things up or just play in the dirt, that's fine too.
  
Given that background, I figured I would have no difficulty sharing these values with my daughter.  I dressed her in all kinds of colors and patterns, not caring whether they were "girl" or "boy" colors.  I even got indignant that "neutral" colors only seemed available up to 3-6 month clothes.  It seemed as though people might buy clothes up to that size without knowing the gender, but after that, surely you knew the gender and wanted all pink for your daughter.  Even when I could find other colors, they were still frilly.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I love frilly and I love dressing my daughter up in frilly.  But I also love to put her in a pair of jeans and a polo shirt.  She's also adorable dressed in plain bib overalls and a white onesie underneath.  She's so active and rough and tumble (quite a surprise given her condition, but again, I digress).  I just wish I didn't have to go to the "boys" section to get these items.


Imagine my surprise, then, when I went to purchase a new toy for my daughter and found myself thinking that something was too boyish.  Too boyish?  After letting her play with the construction trucks and plastic toolset in the church nursery?  After buying her books about dragons?  After spending hours wondering what her first Lego set will be?  I think I experienced a case of mental whiplash just by having the thought.  But there is was.  Even as open as I am to breaking gender stereotypes, I am not immune.  I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for those who have only had the roles reinforced, rather than challenged.  On the bright side, I noticed that I had the thought.  And I only had it on the inside!  Still, because I had the thought, I am going to try and be more careful in the future.  This is not to say that I feel the need to overcompensate by buying every "boy" toy I can think of.  I buy toys I think Lil' Bit will like playing with based on what she currently likes.  One of her current favorites is a bright orange flashlight.  (She loves it so much, we discussed dressing her up like a Jedi for Halloween, but I still want to go with the ladybug).  She also loves her toy stroller, though.  She loves blocks and animals and books, but you can see her eyes light up when I show her cute clothes.  All in all, I guess we're doing pretty good on the letting her pick what she likes thing.  Whew!

And, if I need a refresher, I have the Free To Be . . . DVD handy.  I've already played it for Lil' Bit once.  Turns out, she's a big fan of Rosie!  Who knew?