Lessons from Tennessee

Having returned from another trip, it is time for another episode of "Lessons from..."  Today's lessons come from lovely, but sweltering, Tennessee.

1.  I should have believed everyone who said traveling with a baby is easier.  Yes, it's hard to travel with a lump who needs all of your time.  But, those lumps sleep most of the trip and have no concept of being in a car seat.  In fact, they probably feel all snuggled up in the seat and don't care that it's not your lap.  As long as you slap some food in when they are hungry and change a diaper here and there, you are good to go.  Toddlers, on the other hand, need entertaining.  They want out.  They will scream at you when they don't get what they want.  They will refuse to nap even though they are tired.  Yup.  Traveling with a baby was so much easier.  Wish I had listened to "them."

2.  Trips/vacations aren't nearly as much fun with a clingy, needy child who only wants me.  Here we were, with literally dozens of people, adults and children alike, dying for the chance to hug and entertain my child, but all she would do is scream bloody murder whenever I put her down, let alone left eyesight.  Even her daddy is chopped liver these days.  Back before we had kids, when my sister-in-law told me having kids would mean I would never get to use the bathroom alone again, I never dreamed it would mean holding my child on my lap and reading her a story while I went about my business.  I know that someday I will yearn for my child to want me as much as she does now, but that doesn't stop me from being frustrated that I can't get a single moment to myself or even get simple chores done.

3.  iPads are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.  Between downloading episodes of Phineas & Ferb for my child to watch, cute Fisher Price Apps she can play with, books she can flip through, and the general ability to open mommy's apps and flip the screen around, it kept her occupied when nothing else would work.  I know I said I would never be one of "those" parents who let their child under 2 watch television, let alone let said child play with my telephone or iPad, but that was before I knew how wonderful it was to have a way to stop my child from shrieking during an hour-long traffic back-up because part of I-75 has slid down the side of a mountain.

4.  Never assume that I know what my child likes.  My child loves to play in the tub.  Loves it so much she will squeal if we take her from the tub before she is done.  So, imagine my surprise that she does not like splashing in a pool, a river, or a water park.  Nothing like dropping beaucoup bucks to go to Dollywood Splash Country only to spend most of the day sitting under the canopy waiting to see what other people had fun doing.  At least we had the canopy!

5.  My daughter is a flirt.  On our third attempt to take Lil' Bit into the kiddie pool for a little dip, she spotted a chubby 9-month-old little boy.  Suddenly, she was willing to not only stand in the water, but walk over to him and smile and grin and burble nonsense.  She waved and blew kisses and was positively, disgustingly cute.  All for a little boy.  Once we left his range, however, it was time to leave.  She was having no more of that water stuff, thank you very much.  *sigh*  It's going to be a long 18 years.

6.  Cousins are great.  The few times Lil' Bit deigned to leave me, she was playing with her older cousins, aged 6, 8 and 9.  They managed to help her learn to walk up and down stairs using the handrail.  Although she's not perfect, she's way closer to being able to navigate stairs on her own in the upright position, not just crawling.  When did she get so big?! *sniffle*  But, my point is, these were things I had tried to do with her, but she was unwilling to learn.  However, when it was her cousins, it was different, and she was more than willing to do it for them.  More proof, if I need it, that I need a village to raise my child.

7.  Don't get attached to clothing.  For the short period that I did manage to get Lil' Bit into the river for some play time, she managed to lose a flip-flop which was quickly caught by the current and rushed away long before I even realized it was gone.  Bye-bye ladybug flip-flop.  Now I must find a way to remove the other beloved shoe from my daughter's foot and make it disappear so that she forgets she ever owned them.

8.  I have to relinquish control of some of Lil' Bit's clothing choices.  We inherited a cute little Dora the Explorer sundress (size 3T which currently FITS, but that's for another post).  The moment Lil' Bit saw it, she was over the moon.  Apparently they watch Dora at daycare.  Whenever she sees the dress, picks it up and holds it out and pulls at the clothes she is wearing to let me know she wants to be changed into the dress.  If it is in the laundry bin, she will pull it out.  She doesn't care that it's dirty.  Dirty has no meaning to her.  She just wants Dora.  Other times, she'll see what I have selected and fight me or yell "no" when I try to dress her.  She wants something else.  Most days, she still goes with the flow, but I can see the writing on the wall.  I may get to buy the clothes, but she's going to be picking what she wears from here on out.

9.  Clean up on aisle 5.  My daughter will not let me hold the cereal bowl for her.  She will shriek at me because she can do it herself.  But, when she dumps it all in her lap, she will just as quickly shriek at me to clean it up because it is cold and wet.  Thank goodness my parents have a dog that will Hoover the carpet of things like corn and hamburger.

10.  I can do this.  Ever since Lil' Bit got placed on her meds, we haven't done much traveling.  We did some at Christmas and we went to Chicago for the wedding, but otherwise we have been homebodies.  I have recognized that part of it is that I hate having to try and pack everything we'll need and worry about being gone over med-time.  However, I have taken more outings during the weekends and have been getting more comfortable with figuring out how to do things with Lil' Bit's needs.  This trip, we traveled from Michigan to Indiana, to Tennessee, to another place in Tennessee, back to Indiana, and back to Michigan over the course of a week.  We got Lil' Bit properly and timely medicated every day, got her to eat fairly well, sometimes even nutritiously, didn't break her sleep schedule too much, and even had some enjoyable moments with both our families.  Although there were some rough patches, we returned home with 30 fingers and 30 toes still attached.  That's a win in this house.

As always, it will take several weeks to recover from our "vacation," but it was great to see so much of the family and get to introduce Lil' Bit to many of them for the first time.  It's great to be home, but this trip certainly helped me be less anxious about our next week-long trip--a trip which will likely require me to pack meds of my own :)  But that's also for another time.

Holiday Frustrations and Discernments

Traveling over the holidays this year has been more difficult than usual. On the plus side, Lil' Bit met her namesake again and the unseasonably warm weather made driving less treacherous.  We also got a chance to go to the movies while Nana watched Lil' Bit; something we haven't done in a while.  Still, this has to be one of the most difficult holiday travels:

-We spent 30 minutes in a gas station bathroom changing and washing Lil' Bit and the car seat after she turned into a volcano of vomit.  We then purchased an air freshner to prevent me, a sympathetic barfer, from making it worse, but the combo of the two smells gave me a massive headache which caused severe nausea.

-My contacts tore, my back-up glasses broke, and the lenses my doctor's office sent by mail to Tennessee did not arrive before we left.  Complete vision fail!

-We got stuck for 2 hours on the Interstate behind an 8-car pile-up with car fire, with a screaming toddler who refused to nap or be placated with her toys, making us late to our destination and requiring us to keep said screaming, tired toddler awake even longer to get her last two med doses in because we missed them due to the whole lateness thing and the two meds have to be given an hour apart.

Had you asked me last year, I would never have said that traveling with a 1-month-old would be easier than a 13-month-old, but it was.  It also occurred to me that if we have another child, I won't be abe to sit in back and feed and play with the kids; we'll have to stop a lot more frequently.  Needless to say, most of this trip fell heavily into the "only child" side of the baby equation.  And yet, I can't help myself.  I still want another one.  I cannot explain or rationalize it.  I have moments when I'm uncertain I can handle the one I have, but it doesn't change how I feel.  However, because it is not just my decision, we are still discussing.  And, in case you wondered what else might fall in the mix, I present you with two such thoughts:

1). Why are we having additional children? It needs to be because we want that child, not because we want a sibling for Lil' Bit, or a child to take attention away from Lil' Bit's issues.  So, can we honestly say it's about wanting another child for that child's sake?

2). If we don't do a February procedure, we likely won't do it before May (March means a due date around Lil' Bit's birthday and April means an Easter procedure and Christmas delivery, which is a definite no).  If we do a February procedure, we are setting ourselves up to deal with all of Lil' Bit's 1-year surgical follow-up visits and procedures with a newborn in tow.  Is that really a good idea?

The most difficult thing about this decision is that every day I have experiences that land heavily on one side or the other.  Very few days are neutral.  It's almost never a good idea to make decisions when under stress, but once you are a parent, ALL decisions are made that way.  If I pick a rough day to decide, Lil' Bit will be an only child.  If I pick a good day, I might believe my coping skills are better than they really are.  What if decision day is a good day for one of us, but not the other?   Ultimately, how can I trust the final decision we make, no matter which way we decide? 

And yet, anything less than a complete "yes" really has to be treated as a "no."  Otherwise, we're short-changing ourselves, our marriage, Lil' Bit, and the children-to-be-named-later.  It's not the answer I want, but it's the only one that seems to make any sense.   So, we continue to talk, to wait, and to discern.  And if we miss February, then we miss it.  And that hurts.  Just typing those words hurts, so deep is my emotional ache for another pregnancy; another child.   I want it now.  I want it already.  I want it yesterday.  But, I must remember the wisdom of the Rolling Stones.  I may not get what I want, but hopefully, I'll get what I need.  I just wish I knew what that was.

Lessons from Alaska

As some of you know, we just returned from a two week trip to Alaska to celebrate Phil's parents' 50th wedding anniversary.  The trip was positively amazing and Alaska was beautiful.  We saw, among other things, whales, orcas, Dall's sheep, caribou, moose, bald eagles, sea lions, salmon swimming upstream, glaciers calving, rainforests where the ground was totally covered with ferns, and days with almost 24 hours of sunlight.  The trip also taught me a few things:

1) I would not have made a good stay-at-home mother.  After two weeks of being an always-on parent, I am so ready to return Lil' Bit to her child care provider and head back off to work.  Don't get me wrong.  I loved spending time with her and watching her grow (she crawled for the first time on the trip!).  But, I would not be a good stay-at-home parent.  I would lose my s**t faster than a man about to be hit by a freight train.  I give props to all those parents who manage it.  You have special skills that I do not possess.  You are amazing.  Me, not so much.  I'm going back to the work world to regain my sanity.

2) I sacrifice my comfort for others.  Lil' Bit did amazing on this trip all told.  In fact, I've never heard so many people tell me how well-behaved my child is.  Of course, these were not the people who slept in the rooms next to us at various points along the way.  So, in an effort to reduce the screaming, I gave in and let Lil' Bit sleep with me several nights.  We also rocked her to sleep in our arms for most naps and bedtime.  Combined with the fact that we were all sleeping in the same room for two weeks, and the fact that we shot Lil' Bit's schedule to hell, and you have a nightmare to break her of all these bad habits on our return.  There has been a great deal of screaming and crying--on everybody's part--to get things back to some semblance of order.  I'm actually hoping that getting her back to the childcare provider will help bring back some sense of order.  But, I digress.  The lesson I learned was, I was willing to have Lil' Bit learn bad habits on the trip and then spend my time and energy breaking her of them on our return in an effort to reduce the screaming that would disrupt others' vacations.

3) Vacations with children require additional vacation time to recover from.  I remember those quaint days back before we had children and I used to joke that I needed a vacation to recover from my vacation.  Yeah.  Well, with kids, that is even more true.  Hauling around extra luggage, doing tons of laundry on the return, stressing out about how many people are bothered by the fussing and whether the kid will be a good traveler, whether I am making enough of an effort to quiet my child to not be seen as a delinquent parent, making sure not to leave anything important behind, etc, etc.  I loved the trip.  It was amazing and wonderful and I would do it again.  But I would not call it a vacation.

4) There are many beautiful places in the world that I will never live; Alaska is one of them.  July and August are positively beautiful months to visit.  But, I saw and heard more than enough to know that this is not the place for someone who hates snow.  Heck, I still can't believe people live in the UP, let alone that whole country of people north of that (Canada, I'm talking about you).  We heard stories from all kinds of people who apparently went to visit Alaska and just decided to stay.  I think it is fairly safe to say that I will not be one of those people--especially after learning that a single container of Oreos cost $7 and all the fixin's on a Subway sandwich aren't free!

5) I have great in-laws.  I spent two weeks with my in-laws and had a wonderful time.  We traveled together, ate together, told stories, played with each others kids, and had a fabulous time.  I am so lucky to have two families--that of my origin and that which I married into--where I can be me and have a great time.

6) Cruiseship personnel love babies.  Everywhere we went on the ship, people called out to our baby by name.  Walk into the restaurant for dinner at night and it was like a receiving line as three or four people, from the hostess to the head waiter, would take a few seconds to smile and tickle Lil' Bit.  Walking down the hall one day, we heard two women talking.  One said, "Aww, that is the cutest baby."  The other replied, "Oh, that's [Lil' Bit]."  The photographers taking candid photos at dinner took one each of the adults, but three or four of her.  She was the center of attention, she knew it, and she LOVED it.  We are so screwed.

So, all in all, an amazing trip with good opportunities for personal growth, but I am glad to be home in my own bed.