Riding the Roller Coaster

Although I haven't shared this on the blog yet, Lil' Bit has had some health issues.  Beginning in April, she contracted RSV.  This led to the discovery of a VSD (ventricular septal defect--a hole in the heart).  Based on some difficulties they had when imaging her heart with the echocardiogram, they wanted to send her for a CT scan of her heart.  She had that test a few weeks ago and we had heard nothing back.  Today we received the results.  It's not necessarily good news or bad news, but it was important news.

Turns out, the reason they couldn't find her left pulmonary artery is because she doesn't have one(!).  Also, when they thought she had pneumonia and then thought maybe it was her thymus glad and other things, it turns out that her left lung is smaller than the right.  So, they may well have been seeing the thymus glad, as opposed to her having pneumonia, as her lung may not go up that high.  As a sidenote--it would make sense for that lung to be smaller since it is being fed by smaller arteries.  The up side in all of this is that she doesn't show any symptoms of these issues causing any problems.  She is growing, healthy, quite active, and developing normally.  Her screaming attests to a wonderful lung capacity, as does all of her jumparoo time.  She's working on crawling, can feed herself puffs she picks up with the "pincer grasp," babbling, and doing everything else either on or ahead of schedule.  So, nothing really to worry about.

And yet, it's extremely hard not to freak out about it.  We are doing our best.  And I find myself repeating a new mantra--there is nothing I did or didn't do during pregnancy that caused this.  As a recovering control freak, it is hard not to blame myself.  But, along with accepting that Lil' Bit is doing fine, I am also accepting that this is just how she is.

Ironically, all of this information comes as we are discussing whether we want to try another round of IVF to have another child (or, given the increased incidence of twins, additional children).  Just more information to add to the equation. Yay!

I am reminded, at times such as these, that I am still getting precisely what I asked for with children--opportunities to go with the flow and remember I am not in control.  I am just along for the ride.  And what a wild ride it has been and, apparently, will continue to be.  Wheee!