So this week started my twice-weekly visits to the doctor's office. Mondays are long visits where I have an ultrasound, NST (non-stress test), and doctor visit. Thursdays are short visits where I have another NST.
Today's NST results were fine--I did not appear to have any contractions and baby's heartrate was good. The ultrasound results were also good. We didn't get a new size measurement, but the fluid levels were good. Although still head down, she has turned from facing the back to the side, so we could finally see her face. She's quite a cutie, if I do say so myself. The ultrasound tech also told us (and showed us) that baby has hair. Yay! Phil joked with the tech about whether she could tell if it was red or blonde. She answered, "As far as we can tell, all babies are tow-heads because it always shows up white." Can't wait to find out if I got my curly, red-headed baby!
Next up was the visit with the doc. She said that my sugar levels looked great, so they would leave the insulin level where it was (yay!). She measured my stomach and, even though it was a little big, thought it was fine. She asked if I had any questions and I said, "Well, I asked the doc at my last visit this question, but got a different answer from nurses since then so I just wanted to check--since I'm insulin dependent, will I be allowed to go past my due date." Her answer was that in all likelihood, if I don't go into labor beforehand, I will be induced at 39 weeks. Hmmm. So, now I have one who says 39 weeks, and one who says I can go as long as everything is fine. Now, maybe the odds are that with the insulin dependency, things don't stay fine past the due date so it's really the same answer, but it doesn't really seem that way, and I was surprised to get such divergent answers. Rather than argue (what would be the point--she answered my question), I decided that at next Monday's visit, when I get to see MY doc, rather than rotating through the others in the practice as I have been doing, I will find out what she says. She can be the tiebreaker, as it were. After all, since she's my official doc, I would assume things would go by what she does.
Either way, things are very close now, and I find myself fluctuating between excited and terrified more frequently than ever. Still, having gotten a picture of my daughter's face, I would say that, at least for the rest of today, I am simply excited.
10.25.2010
10.16.2010
Just Testing
I did not intend to have a trial run, yesterday. The universe, however, had other plans.
Yesterday started as a really good day, what with it being Friday and all. I was the only one in the office, making it nice and quiet and allowing me to get lots done. Around 3:00, I began to feel a headache coming on. No biggy. I've had a few recently and it's apparently very normal in the third trimester. Well, by 6:30, it had only gotten worse, so I looked at my handy-dandy sheet from my doctor and it said I could take Tylenol, regular or extra-strength. So, I did. Usually, this makes me feel better in about 30 minutes. No such luck. By 7:30, I was re-reading the label to find out when I could take more--not anytime soon. I went back to my doctor's handout. For headaches lasting 2-3 hours after taking Tylenol, I was to call the practice if open, otherwise, head to the hospital. This is because headaches can be a sign of preeclampsia--something for which I am now at a higher risk because of the GD.
Crud. I'm sure it's fine. I don't want to go to the hospital. I have another hour. I'll just lay down, maybe fall asleep. It will go away. Wrong. 8:20 arrives and headache is still present. I alert Phil and we head out to the hospital. "Best case scenario," I tell him, "this thing goes away on the way there." "Best case," he tell me, "is it goes away before we leave the garage." I smile slightly, but no such luck. He decides to time the drive just so we'll know for "the real thing"--25 minutes driving "regular" speed. We arrive--headache still present. Well, at least I didn't make us drive to the city for nothing.
We go up to the OB triage floor, give them my info and wait. All of their rooms are full, but they will get me in as soon as they can. We sit out in the lobby, along with lots of families who are there to support laboring mamas elsewhere on the floor. About 30 minutes later, we get called back to one of the observation rooms. We chat with the nurse and I get hooked up to the monitors--one checking baby's heart rate and the other monitoring contractions. Seeing as I am feeling nothing but my headache, I am surprised when the nurse asks me if I felt "that contraction." Nope, I tell her.
They runs lots of tests and the resident comes in to talk with me. All the tests are coming back fine and baby is doing extremely well. They are going to give me a prescription med for the headache and see how that goes. If it doesn't work, they'll try something through an IV. Also, they are going to give me a shot to stop the contractions. What?! Turns out, I'm having quite regular contractions every two minutes, but not feeling them. Alrighty, then. The nurse comes in and shows me the chart and, sure enough, there they are. Huh. I never would have thought I could have contractions and not feel them. Who knew?!
Anyway, the meds work like a charm. The contractions stopped and the headache went away without having to resort to IV meds. Yay! They check to make sure I'm not dilated (nope--0-1), and get ready to send me home. Before they clear me to leave, they want to take my blood pressure one more time (high blood pressure is also a sign of preeclampsia). Instead of dropping, as they had expected, it was the highest I had ever had--150 over something. Yeah. That's a problem. So, the resident comes back in. Since all the other tests were clear, I get to go home, but they want me to come back Sunday morning for more monitoring and another set of tests, just to be sure. If those tests come back fine, they will look at treating me for high blood pressure.
Sunday morning. Right. Obviously, Phil is not going to be able to go with me. Do I go by myself? Try and find someone to go with me? It's the church's annual Harvest Feast on Sunday and many of my friends will be involved with that. Phooey. Can't ask them to go. I unilaterally decide that I will just go by myself. After all, I don't expect them to find anything wrong. But, when I see some friends at the church this morning, and they all ask, "who's going with you?", I realize that I probably ought to take someone. So, I promise them that I will not go by myself.
Ultimately, I found a good friend who I would be comfortable having with me in the room as I wear nothing but a hospital gown and get poked and prodded in embarrassing ways. She is going to pick me up in the morning and we'll go get me checked out. I am fairly certain this will all be fine. I even did a free blood pressure check at the store when I picked up my script today and it was back to where it should be. I think it just got high from the meds they gave me to stop the contractions. Nevertheless, I will go and let the professionals do what they do. I'd rather be safe than sorry. And, hey, at least I'll be quite familiar with the process for when it's really time.
Yesterday started as a really good day, what with it being Friday and all. I was the only one in the office, making it nice and quiet and allowing me to get lots done. Around 3:00, I began to feel a headache coming on. No biggy. I've had a few recently and it's apparently very normal in the third trimester. Well, by 6:30, it had only gotten worse, so I looked at my handy-dandy sheet from my doctor and it said I could take Tylenol, regular or extra-strength. So, I did. Usually, this makes me feel better in about 30 minutes. No such luck. By 7:30, I was re-reading the label to find out when I could take more--not anytime soon. I went back to my doctor's handout. For headaches lasting 2-3 hours after taking Tylenol, I was to call the practice if open, otherwise, head to the hospital. This is because headaches can be a sign of preeclampsia--something for which I am now at a higher risk because of the GD.
Crud. I'm sure it's fine. I don't want to go to the hospital. I have another hour. I'll just lay down, maybe fall asleep. It will go away. Wrong. 8:20 arrives and headache is still present. I alert Phil and we head out to the hospital. "Best case scenario," I tell him, "this thing goes away on the way there." "Best case," he tell me, "is it goes away before we leave the garage." I smile slightly, but no such luck. He decides to time the drive just so we'll know for "the real thing"--25 minutes driving "regular" speed. We arrive--headache still present. Well, at least I didn't make us drive to the city for nothing.
We go up to the OB triage floor, give them my info and wait. All of their rooms are full, but they will get me in as soon as they can. We sit out in the lobby, along with lots of families who are there to support laboring mamas elsewhere on the floor. About 30 minutes later, we get called back to one of the observation rooms. We chat with the nurse and I get hooked up to the monitors--one checking baby's heart rate and the other monitoring contractions. Seeing as I am feeling nothing but my headache, I am surprised when the nurse asks me if I felt "that contraction." Nope, I tell her.
They runs lots of tests and the resident comes in to talk with me. All the tests are coming back fine and baby is doing extremely well. They are going to give me a prescription med for the headache and see how that goes. If it doesn't work, they'll try something through an IV. Also, they are going to give me a shot to stop the contractions. What?! Turns out, I'm having quite regular contractions every two minutes, but not feeling them. Alrighty, then. The nurse comes in and shows me the chart and, sure enough, there they are. Huh. I never would have thought I could have contractions and not feel them. Who knew?!
Anyway, the meds work like a charm. The contractions stopped and the headache went away without having to resort to IV meds. Yay! They check to make sure I'm not dilated (nope--0-1), and get ready to send me home. Before they clear me to leave, they want to take my blood pressure one more time (high blood pressure is also a sign of preeclampsia). Instead of dropping, as they had expected, it was the highest I had ever had--150 over something. Yeah. That's a problem. So, the resident comes back in. Since all the other tests were clear, I get to go home, but they want me to come back Sunday morning for more monitoring and another set of tests, just to be sure. If those tests come back fine, they will look at treating me for high blood pressure.
Sunday morning. Right. Obviously, Phil is not going to be able to go with me. Do I go by myself? Try and find someone to go with me? It's the church's annual Harvest Feast on Sunday and many of my friends will be involved with that. Phooey. Can't ask them to go. I unilaterally decide that I will just go by myself. After all, I don't expect them to find anything wrong. But, when I see some friends at the church this morning, and they all ask, "who's going with you?", I realize that I probably ought to take someone. So, I promise them that I will not go by myself.
Ultimately, I found a good friend who I would be comfortable having with me in the room as I wear nothing but a hospital gown and get poked and prodded in embarrassing ways. She is going to pick me up in the morning and we'll go get me checked out. I am fairly certain this will all be fine. I even did a free blood pressure check at the store when I picked up my script today and it was back to where it should be. I think it just got high from the meds they gave me to stop the contractions. Nevertheless, I will go and let the professionals do what they do. I'd rather be safe than sorry. And, hey, at least I'll be quite familiar with the process for when it's really time.
10.14.2010
100% Natural
Ever since I was diagnosed with GD and had measurements where I seemed to be ahead of schedule, not to mention discovering that many doctors want to induce when you're insulin dependent, I have had some anxiety about what was going on. Add in the anxiety I already had about the fact that I had a low-lying placenta that might require a c-section, and I was pretty nervous going to my visit today. (Truth be told, a lot of my anxiety was probably because there were only questions--no answers and no plan--and you should all be quite familiar with my love of a plan by now).
So, we started with an ultrasound for the growth check. Turns out, everything is going extremely well. The GD has not made my daughter too big. She is currently measuring 5 1/2 lbs, which puts her in the 71st percentile in terms of size, and a mere 5 days ahead of schedule. She is head down and facing my back--the ideal position (an overachiever already!). She refuses to move from this position, even when prodded by the ultrasound tech in order to try and determine whether the placenta moved.
The tech also confirmed that the placenta had moved. Although she couldn't tell exactly how far it had moved, given my daughter's stubborn refusal to move, she could determine that it was far enough away that it was no longer considered low-lying, so a c-section is not required.
After the ultrasound, I met with another one of the docs in the practice (they are busy having me meet as many of them as possible since there's no telling who will be on-call when my daughter decides to arrive--so far I have liked them all, though I'm still holding out hope I get my doc--she's the best!). The doc upped my insulin some, but thought things were going well. When I expressed my frustration that some of my numbers did weird things even though I ate the same thing everyday, she assured me that those were perfectly normal. She said that when people don't have those wild outliers in their numbers, they are usually faking their numbers. Yay! I can stop beating myself up about that.
I was also reminded of why I love this practice so much, as they dealt with my last concern--whether being insulin dependent made it likely they would have to induce me early or not let me go past my due date. They do not subscribe to that theory. As long as there is nothing going on (high blood pressure, issues with the baby, etc), they will wait for the baby to make her appearance and not induce early or even on my due date.
So, with the exception of the need for insulin, I am having a normal, healthy pregnancy and everything is on schedule for a spontaneous, natural childbirth on baby's schedule. Now the only thing left to do is rein in my control needs and quit worrying about that. :)
So, we started with an ultrasound for the growth check. Turns out, everything is going extremely well. The GD has not made my daughter too big. She is currently measuring 5 1/2 lbs, which puts her in the 71st percentile in terms of size, and a mere 5 days ahead of schedule. She is head down and facing my back--the ideal position (an overachiever already!). She refuses to move from this position, even when prodded by the ultrasound tech in order to try and determine whether the placenta moved.
The tech also confirmed that the placenta had moved. Although she couldn't tell exactly how far it had moved, given my daughter's stubborn refusal to move, she could determine that it was far enough away that it was no longer considered low-lying, so a c-section is not required.
After the ultrasound, I met with another one of the docs in the practice (they are busy having me meet as many of them as possible since there's no telling who will be on-call when my daughter decides to arrive--so far I have liked them all, though I'm still holding out hope I get my doc--she's the best!). The doc upped my insulin some, but thought things were going well. When I expressed my frustration that some of my numbers did weird things even though I ate the same thing everyday, she assured me that those were perfectly normal. She said that when people don't have those wild outliers in their numbers, they are usually faking their numbers. Yay! I can stop beating myself up about that.
I was also reminded of why I love this practice so much, as they dealt with my last concern--whether being insulin dependent made it likely they would have to induce me early or not let me go past my due date. They do not subscribe to that theory. As long as there is nothing going on (high blood pressure, issues with the baby, etc), they will wait for the baby to make her appearance and not induce early or even on my due date.
So, with the exception of the need for insulin, I am having a normal, healthy pregnancy and everything is on schedule for a spontaneous, natural childbirth on baby's schedule. Now the only thing left to do is rein in my control needs and quit worrying about that. :)
10.08.2010
Be Careful What You Wish For
We've all heard it said--be careful what you wish you, you just might get it. For me, it's not the fervent wishes I make over and over with my whole heart that come true. No, it's the off-handed little wish I make on the spur of the moment and never think about again. In fact, it usually turns out that I didn't think enough about it at the time I made it, either.
The best example of this is from my time in college. I was having a rough week. Okay, a rough few months. I really wanted to be able to opt out for a little while, so I made a small wish. Not a "real" wish. Just one of those, off-the-cuff, spur-of-the-moment thoughts we've all had, only I really meant it when I made it. I wished for an appendicitis. Yes, I thought this would be the simple answer to my problems. A quick trip to the hospital, an easy fix, and a few days off. I never really believed it would happen. It was just one of those thoughts. And I totally forgot about it after I did it. Flash forward two years. Boom! I get a ruptured appendix along with a week stay in the hospital and months of recuperation afterwards. I got what I wished for alright, but not when I wanted it, or how I wanted it. Worse, I had no idea until, oh, last year, that "getting" my wish had caused infertility. Needless to say, I got a lot more than I bargained for with my wish. Had I but known, I would have been much more careful about what I put out there.
You would think that I would learn a lot from that experience. And you would be mostly right. But that doesn't stop me from being stupid. See, it turns out that, much like wishes, prayers often work in ways you don't expect. For example, if you pray for patience, you don't magically receive patience. Instead, you receive lots of opportunities to develop and practice patience. Not exactly what you want when you're already frustrated and low on patience.
So really, I ought to have known better--I mean really, really known better--before I informed family, friends, the universe, God, and whomever else, that part of why I wanted to have children was to learn how to go with the flow and be less of a control freak. Because that's precisely what is driving me crazy right now about GD and my daughter's "due" date. I am so not the one in control. Turns out, there was nothing I could do to prevent the GD. Structuring my diet didn't work. Taking insulin this week has resulted in only 1 good fasting number and some good after-meal numbers, but nothing that I can hang my hat on. For goodness sake, I ate a brilliant low-carb dinner this evening with all the food groups but dairy, and ended up with a frickin' 134! I am not in control of my body. No matter what I do, I can't make it do what it's supposed to. And this frustrates me to the very core of my being.
On top of it all, there's this whole thing about the baby coming when she's ready. This makes it hard to plan maternity leave and get all my ducks in a row. How will I know how much leave time I will have saved up? How do I know when to call the disability insurance people so I can get the paperwork started so my doctor's office can fill it out and get it back to me in time when I don't know when the disability will actually start? Will my daughter be here before Thanksgiving when all the family comes to visit, or will she wait? Will she come too early--like in the next 25 days or so, before she's considered term? Now that I have GD and am on insulin, will I be allowed to progress past my due date, or will they induce me? Too many questions, not enough answers or control.
Also, I have discovered that I am more frightened of natural birth than I am of a C-section. Why? For starters, I have had enough abdominal surgery in my lifetime that a C-section feels like the known entity while natural birth is the scary unknown. But, I know deep down it's also that C-sections are controlled. In some cases, they are scheduled, so you even know when they will be. How great is that for a compulsive planner, right? There's also no big mystery of how long will it take (about an hour), what will it feel like, will it hurt, etc. And it is precisely for all of these reasons that I'm fairly certain I will not end up having one. Because for me to truly experience this lack of control that I requested, I have to experience the surprise of labor and delivery on my daughter's terms. She picks when and how long and how hard and everything else. I requested the opportunity to learn to go with the flow and that is precisely what I got. No matter how frustrated and infuriated I get with these issues, this is, in fact, what I signed up for. I really ought not be surprised.
The best example of this is from my time in college. I was having a rough week. Okay, a rough few months. I really wanted to be able to opt out for a little while, so I made a small wish. Not a "real" wish. Just one of those, off-the-cuff, spur-of-the-moment thoughts we've all had, only I really meant it when I made it. I wished for an appendicitis. Yes, I thought this would be the simple answer to my problems. A quick trip to the hospital, an easy fix, and a few days off. I never really believed it would happen. It was just one of those thoughts. And I totally forgot about it after I did it. Flash forward two years. Boom! I get a ruptured appendix along with a week stay in the hospital and months of recuperation afterwards. I got what I wished for alright, but not when I wanted it, or how I wanted it. Worse, I had no idea until, oh, last year, that "getting" my wish had caused infertility. Needless to say, I got a lot more than I bargained for with my wish. Had I but known, I would have been much more careful about what I put out there.
You would think that I would learn a lot from that experience. And you would be mostly right. But that doesn't stop me from being stupid. See, it turns out that, much like wishes, prayers often work in ways you don't expect. For example, if you pray for patience, you don't magically receive patience. Instead, you receive lots of opportunities to develop and practice patience. Not exactly what you want when you're already frustrated and low on patience.
So really, I ought to have known better--I mean really, really known better--before I informed family, friends, the universe, God, and whomever else, that part of why I wanted to have children was to learn how to go with the flow and be less of a control freak. Because that's precisely what is driving me crazy right now about GD and my daughter's "due" date. I am so not the one in control. Turns out, there was nothing I could do to prevent the GD. Structuring my diet didn't work. Taking insulin this week has resulted in only 1 good fasting number and some good after-meal numbers, but nothing that I can hang my hat on. For goodness sake, I ate a brilliant low-carb dinner this evening with all the food groups but dairy, and ended up with a frickin' 134! I am not in control of my body. No matter what I do, I can't make it do what it's supposed to. And this frustrates me to the very core of my being.
On top of it all, there's this whole thing about the baby coming when she's ready. This makes it hard to plan maternity leave and get all my ducks in a row. How will I know how much leave time I will have saved up? How do I know when to call the disability insurance people so I can get the paperwork started so my doctor's office can fill it out and get it back to me in time when I don't know when the disability will actually start? Will my daughter be here before Thanksgiving when all the family comes to visit, or will she wait? Will she come too early--like in the next 25 days or so, before she's considered term? Now that I have GD and am on insulin, will I be allowed to progress past my due date, or will they induce me? Too many questions, not enough answers or control.
Also, I have discovered that I am more frightened of natural birth than I am of a C-section. Why? For starters, I have had enough abdominal surgery in my lifetime that a C-section feels like the known entity while natural birth is the scary unknown. But, I know deep down it's also that C-sections are controlled. In some cases, they are scheduled, so you even know when they will be. How great is that for a compulsive planner, right? There's also no big mystery of how long will it take (about an hour), what will it feel like, will it hurt, etc. And it is precisely for all of these reasons that I'm fairly certain I will not end up having one. Because for me to truly experience this lack of control that I requested, I have to experience the surprise of labor and delivery on my daughter's terms. She picks when and how long and how hard and everything else. I requested the opportunity to learn to go with the flow and that is precisely what I got. No matter how frustrated and infuriated I get with these issues, this is, in fact, what I signed up for. I really ought not be surprised.
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