2016 Word of the Year

I have an orchid that a friend at work gave me when I first returned to work after Patrick died.  It lived at work for a while and then had a few different locations in our old house (oh yeah--we moved last year, but that's for a different blog post), but it either got not enough light or the kitties attacked it, and then we moved it to the new house.  That I haven't killed it yet is amazing in and of itself, but whether as inspiration or a good omen, it decided to open it's first flower on the 31st.

See, as is my tradition, I spent part of December 31 figuring out my word for 2016.  My brother-in-law suggested "better," and given how 2016 started off, that might have been a good choice.  Instead, however, I was drawn to "bloom," as in, bloom where you are planted.  The orchid's decision to flower that day is probably what sealed the deal, but part of why I chose it is because I want life to be about more than just making the best of a bad situation.  I want it to be about finding a way to shine and show off my best self no matter what situation I'm in.

Having chosen my word, I have spent the past few weeks trying to figure out ways to move forward on projects and begin to "bloom" myself.  I forwarded my manuscript to an editor to move forward on getting my book published.  I started selling Jamberry nail wraps on the side to earn money for said editor as well as take a step outside my comfort zone and talk to people.  As an introvert who prefers writing to talking, my first home party was terrifying, but it was filled with friends, which was a big help.

And sure enough, as I have moved forward, my orchid has taken off as well.

Seven blooms with roughly 10 more buds left to open!!  I try to look at my orchid each morning, but particularly on rough mornings, as a reminder that I can do this.  I can show my best self and let the world see the fruits of my internal labor.

May this year give you the opportunity to find your best self and let others see what is most beautiful in you. 

#Bloom2016

Owning Words

Marlo Thomas has written two books called The Right Words at the Right Time, which are compilations of essays by famous people about things others told to them that stuck with and really helped them.  In my own life, I have kept waiting for something like this.  Something to hep me get through all of this stuff the last few years.  And in the midst of my grief and trying to return to normalcy, people have been generous with their words and compliments.  

Phil calls me awesome all the time.  We even have a saying in our house:  awesome looks like tired.  So, if we are looking pretty run down, it must be because we are being awesome.  But the truth is, I don't feel awesome.

The other morning, as I fought through anxiety, hyperventilating, and the feeling of a heart attack, I spent my whole drive to work saying, "I must go to work.  So not drive into the ditch.  I must make it to work.  Do not drive into the ditch."  Later in the day, my mom called me and I was telling her about my morning and she said, "I did call you at work didn't I?"  My mind exploded a little as I realized what I had accomplished.  She called me amazing, and I probably was, but I didn't feel amazing.

I have been called brave and inspiring.  I have been told I'm strong, tough, spectacular, incredible, marvelous, and a multitude of other beautiful, well-intentioned compliments from a wide variety of people.  And I knew what they were trying to tell me.  They were acknowledging all I have overcome.  And I am grateful.  I needed each and every one of those compliments.  Unfortunately, I couldn't own any of them.  None of them felt right on me.

Until a few days ago.  A friend was talking to me and he told me:  There is no question you are resilient.  The moment he said it, something clicked, the lights went on, and the heavens opened.  Like a key that finally opened the lock, at last I had a word that represented overcoming my struggles that I could finally wear comfortably and proudly.  Yes!  I am resilient.  

It was a word that spoke to my own actions and abilities.  I did this.  I worked for it.  It wasn't a big boastful word, but it had substance and authority.  Like finally finding a pair a jeans you want to wear everyday and that also make your butt look good, I was so excited I just wanted to take the word out and show it to everyone.  

Look at me!  I'm resilient!  I'm still standing!  I survived!

So, if you're like me, and struggle to receive or own a compliment, don't give up.  There is a word out there for you that will feel like a second skin.  Keep looking for it.  And in the meantime, know that everyone who pays you a compliment you aren't ready to own just wants you to feel as special as they already know you are.  You are loved.