Free Will

As I watch Lil' Bit grow and learn, I have come to understand why God would want to give us free will.  I have also come to understand the metaphor of God as father and us as children.

Infancy is wonderful.  It is full of snuggles and coos and cute faces and learning your child's personality.  But the real fun and joy, at least for me, has come as Lil' Bit got older.  The way her face lights up when she sees me.  The feeling of her little arms hugging me back.  Her crawling into my lap to read her a book.  I love that she is choosing to share time with me, choosing to give me love.  As an infant, she didn't really have a choice.  If I wanted to snuggle, we snuggled.  And there's something amazing about snuggling a little, warm lump.  But I wouldn't trade my sassy toddler who can show me affection, for anything.  I imagine that for God, it's much the same way.  The relationship is so much bigger, so much more meaningful, when it's by choice.  Both He and I get more out of a relationship where I choose to be part of it, in the same way that Lil' Bit and I have a much more intimate relationship because she can choose whether she wants me in her personal space.

I imagine that the first time she tells me she hates me, I will have a small glimpse of what God must feel like when we yell and rage at Him because we don't understand why things happen.  Getting upset is normal.  But, ultimately, we have to trust that, in the same way that we are trying to do what we think is best for our children, knowing that they will get upset because they don't understand, God does the same.  God has more knowledge and a bigger picture to look at than we do.  But we still have free will.  We can tell a child 100 times not to touch a hot stove, but ultimately, if they are persistent and choose to ignore the warnings, they will find a way to touch one.  In the same way, God attempts to guide and nudge us in the right direction, gently at first, then in less subtle ways.  But He will allow us to burn ourselves if we are persistent enough and ignore the warnings.  So, the next time I feel like God is telling me "no," I will take time to rethink my position and see if it's because God is trying to gently guide me down another path.

This new-found understanding will not prevent me from getting angry at God in the future over things I feel are wrong or unjust.  Just as it helps our children to get the anger out, it helps us to get it out, too.  But, in the end, I hope to be able to say:  "I'm sorry I got angry.  I just don't understand.  But it doesn't mean that I don't love you.  And it doesn't mean that I don't want you in my life."  And God will tell me, "Someday, you'll understand."