My Reckoning

I have had a life-long love affair with sugar.  When I was younger, I ate 1 lb bags of skittles like they were a single serve and could down a dozen donuts in a single sitting.  It never occurred to me that eating that much sugar could cause problems down the road.  I simply assumed that you either had diabetes, or you didn't.  And, since I didn't, I was fine.  Now, I'm not saying that I would have changed my habits had I known the finer points of Type II diabetes, but it certainly would have left me a little more prepared for now.

So, I did the 1-hour glucose tolerance test and failed by a single point--needed 133 and got 134.  During my visit with the doctor about adjusting my meds, I discussed the additional anxiety I had over having to take the three-hour test.  We discussed my last pregnancy and I indicated that I had had gestational diabetes and been insulin-dependent.  She advised me that chances were strong that I would be again.  This made me sad, but at least she didn't pull any punches.  I took the 3-hour test last Friday and the results came back today.  They were less than stellar.  Whereas with Lil' Bit, I had only failed 2 of the 4 readings, which was sufficient for the diagnosis, I failed ALL 4 this time around.  For fasting, I needed 95, I had 96.  For the 1-hour I needed 172, I had 188.  For the 2-hour I needed 150, I had 154.  For the 3-hour I needed 135 and I had 146.  With the exception of my fasting number, these were not even close.  Ironically, it was my fasting number we had real issues with last time, so maybe this bodes well for being able to control it with diet and exercise this time rather than insulin.  Who knows.  But, since it's been 3 years since I had the diabetes class, I have to go again because "some things have changed."  I still have my meter, so I may be able to just use it rather than having to get a new one.  We'll see.

In any event, what is clear to me is that I need to make major dietary changes.  How I do this I'm not entirely sure.  I am not a huge fan of vegetables and those I like are the starchy ones.  I love fruits, but they are high in the sugar index.  I have already removed soda and french fries.  Although I indulged in a few candy bars yesterday in fear of the results today, I had mostly kicked those out of my diet, too, along with cake, cookies, and the like.  What I'm getting at is that all of the easy changes are done.  There are no more simple solutions.  I have to do the hard work now.  It's even more difficult because last time, since I wasn't diagnosed until 28 weeks, I ignored calorie counts and simply went with anything that didn't raise my sugar too far.  Thus, I figured out that I could have 2 McDonald's Sausage McMuffins with egg for breakfast as long as I took the top muffin off of both of them.  That would keep my numbers in range, which was all I cared about, never mind the huge calorie and fat content.  And then, I proceeded to eat that for many, many mornings.  This time, I'm only supposed to gain 15 pounds the whole pregnancy.  If you know anything about pregnancy weight gain, this essentially means I am losing weight during the pregnancy.  Not gonna happen if I focus solely on how food affects my blood sugar without regard for calories and fat.  

So, I have to do things differently this time.  I don't really have any choice.  I can't even console myself by saying I can stop after 7 months.  Given that this is my second time to have gestational diabetes, and this time I will have it for much longer, my chances of type II diabetes are increasing all the time.  I need to make changes now before it's too late and the diabetes doesn't go away when I'm not pregnant.  This sucks.  I hate it.  But hating it won't change it, and ignoring it won't make it not true.  This is my warning.  It's now up to me to listen and do something about it.  It's time to dig in and figure out how to do things right while I have a chance to protect my pancreas and stave off any more long-term damage.