On Brokenness and Healing--Without and Within

I have been thinking a lot about the new RFRA laws, or "licenses to discriminate" as they are being called.  Here's the thing.  Religious beliefs, no matter how sincere or firmly held, no matter how ingrained in one's life, cannot justify actions that violate someone else's Constitutional rights.  If they could, religious human sacrifice would be a protected action even though it violates the victim's Constitutional right to live.

I realize that's sort of a worst-case scenario, but how about the pharmacist who could refuse to fill a Viagra prescription because the patient is unmarried, and the pharmacist adheres to the belief that there should be no sex without marriage?  Could that pharmacist refuse to fill my daughter's heart medication because it's the exact same drug?  Or perhaps the pharmacist could refuse to dispense any drug created using stem cell research.  Are you willing to accept that risk?

What if I, a married heterosexual, ordered a wedding cake for my friends' wedding without disclosing whether the parties are a same-sex couple.  Should the business be able to refuse my order?  Even if it turns out it was a straight couple?  Should the bakery be able to demand to know that information?  If I don't disclose it, or lie about it, can they sue me?

I hear people throwing around the idea that these types of laws reduce government involvement, but they don't.  Instead, our courts become bogged down in litigation as every nuance and boundary of the law is tested, resulting in numerous new rules/laws.  

I am saddened and ashamed that so much progress has been lost; that so much animosity and fear exists in the hearts of many who label themselves Christians; that so many people have fled the church community because all they see is hypocrisy.

I cannot be silent.  I stand for the equal treatment of, and equal rights and opportunities for, all people, regardless of race, gender, religion, sexual preference, gender identity, age, citizenship, political party, marital status, affluence, manner of dress, employment, or physical limitation.  We are all human.  We should all be in this together, having each other's backs.   Each of us is a child of God; an expression of God's self here on earth.  Any mistreatment of you by me is a mistreatment of God by me.  I do not have to like your behavior.  I do not have to like you, or agree with you, or engage in the same behaviors as you.  But I am called to love you and forgive you; to do no harm. 

Please, stop worrying about labels.  Stop worrying about what consenting adults are doing in their bedrooms.  Stop inserting yourself between patients and their doctors.  Instead, worry about what we are doing to ourselves, to our world.  Worry about all of the hate and venom we are spewing at each other from every side.  Worry that we are all so anxious, we have become isolated and stopped caring about the least of us.  We have become so focused on the small goal of winning at all costs that we can't see that we are all losing.  Compromise is not a dirty word.  It is not losing.  It is about flexibility, survival.  It is the flexible tree that withstands the hurricane winds, while the inflexible tree is broken.  Compassion and empathy are not horrible traits to be excised.  The Golden Rule is NOT do unto others as was done to me.  It's do unto others as I would have them do to me.  Regardless of whether I have been cheated, if I do not want to be cheated, I will not cheat.

I am sad; anxious; broken from the loss of my son.  But I am heartened; lifted; loved by the acts of friends and strangers who have given of themselves in my time of need.  None of them has asked whether we have the same political party, religion, beliefs, what have you.  They simply saw that I was in need and gave of themselves to help me.  As I heal, I am called to do likewise.  Please, join me.  I promise you, it will be worth it.

Politics, Religion, and IVF

As I've mentioned at least a few times before, infertility sucks.  It makes so many aspects of life much more difficult.  I feel fortunate, however, that when it came time to decide whether to move forward and how far to go, we were able to make our decision without any personal conflicts, such as religious or family objections. I know a number of couples who belong to religious faiths that prohibit use of ART (assisted reproductive technology).  While some of the couples elected to abide by that prohibition, others decided to move forward.  Some spoke with their clergy members, others did not.  Ultimately, decisions about fertility are uniquely personal.  Each couple makes the best decision they can based on their own situation.  And, regardless of the decision they make, they deserve to be supported.

This doesn't happen in the real world.  In fact, even when couples are successful and achieve their heart's desire--pregnancy--people sometimes still give them crap about the choices they made because it ran counter to the decision that person would have made.  For example, there was a woman at my workplace who told me that both my pregnancy and my child were "an abomination."  Now, I'm no expert in other people's faiths, but, at least as I understand it, children are always considered a gift from God, regardless of the manner of conception.  Even children conceived by rape or incest are beloved by God.  How anyone could judge a child based on how it was conceived it beyond me.  But, my personal experience very clearly illuminated to me that people do make such judgments.  Sadly, it is people like this who keep those suffering from infertility in the closet, preventing them from receiving the support they desire and deserve.  Infertility is hard enough without being berated every step of the way.

However, difficult as this may be, there are people who are attempting to make it impossible by making IVF illegal.  Now, I understand advocating for your own personal beliefs.  What I have a problem with is politicians, who are supposed to represent everyone, including those who hold different beliefs, who, instead, seek to impose their personal beliefs on everyone.  If a couple feels strongly against using IVF, then they should not use it.  They should not, however, be in the position to make that decision for other couples.  Making IVF illegal will destroy many couple's only hope at having a child.

Now, there are those who believe that adoption should be utilized, rather than IVF.  Here's the thing.  Adoption is not the fix-all panacea that people make it out to be.  This is not to say that it isn't a wonderful thing.  I know many people who have successfully adopted or placed children for adoption.  It is absolutely an option for becoming a parent.  However, it is neither equivalent to, nor a replacement for, IVF.  Prospective adoptive parents have to first jump through hoops to prove that they are better than many parents out there before they are even given the chance to be considered.  You can't do it, you're out, regardless of how amazing you would be as parents.  Then, they have to sell themselves to birth parents, hoping to be picked.  If they can't convince anyone to give them their child, they are out of luck.  Once they have been selected by the birth parents, they spend thousands of dollars on medical care for the birth mother, but still there is no guarantee.  Sometimes, birth mothers decide at the last minute to keep their children.  Now, the couple is out thousands of dollars and yet, remains childless.  Worse, there are women who deliberately mislead couples in order to receive medical care during pregnancy, although they actually have no intention of giving up their child.  This happened to a friend of mine, twice, and she was working with a reputable agency.  So, I reject the proposition that adoption is an adequate or acceptable solution if IVF is made illegal.

Furthermore, there are people who are just unwilling to raise a child that isn't biologically theirs.  I don't see any reason to deny these people the opportunity to be parents by outlawing the only viable method they have.  In light of the increased politicization of this issue, it will certainly inform how I will vote this election.  And I urge you to get informed about the positions advocated by your candidate of choice and make sure they align with your own.