Insane Hopefulness

It is often said, though unknown who first said it, that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. By this definition, I am insane. Hopeful, but insane. Why? Because month after month I hold out hope that I can conceive a child the old fashioned way. That Lil' Bit can have a sibling without me having to get shots and be poked and prodded for three months before all the poking and prodding that comes from being pregnant. But, each month, I am heartbroken when I discover nothing has changed. Not surprised, mind you. Just heartbroken. And yet, I still hold out hope. Because, although it's improbable, it's not impossible. I personally know couples who had the same issue I did and managed to conceive. I know other couples who, once they used IVF, were then able to conceive on their own. I also know, however, thay my issues are somewhat different. Usually, those who successfully conceive after IVF are those who had unexplained infertility or miscarriages and whose bodies suddenly realized they knew how to work and did. When physical blockage is the issue, that's not something that usually changes. It can, it just usually doesn't. So, my logical, practical side knows that I am unlikely to conceieve without another round of IVF. And, if that's what we decide to do, we will. But the hopeful, whimsical, insane side of me thinks that maybe this time, we'll get a different result. For this month, there is no miracle baby. Who knows, though. Maybe next month. I just can't help myself. I'm suffering from hopeful insanity. Still, I think insane hopefulness is better than no hopefulness at all. And, don't forget, there's an equally prolific saying in my favor: if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. So, here I go.

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