The Power of Routine

Last week, one of my friends at work noted that we must be getting into the groove with Lil' Bit's meds because I seemed much calmer.  I suppose that's true, although I don't feel particularly calm most days.  Glad I can still fake it :)  Anyway, her statement made me think.  There is something to the power of routine.  It's how we sleep-train kids-Bath, Jammies, Book, Bedtime.  Each night, once the routine occurs, they learn to expect what happens next--lights out, door closed, sleep time.  So, even though interrupting our day 6 times for mediation still is frustrating, as is waiting the additional 20 minutes each time to make sure the dose takes, we're much better at it.  We have something that resembles a routine and it has made life simpler.  That is not to say life has been anything close to simple.  All of this craziness on top of Advent was bound to be problematic--and it has been.  But we have managed to stay married and not to kill each other or lose any fingers or toes.  All in all, I think we're doing well.

In the process of working on things, we had a fascinating discussion last night as we were contemplating whether we were going to go forward with another IVF cycle.  Yes, dear readers, the lack of posts about shots and prep is not because we're being quiet this time around.  It's because we postponed it.  Knowing that stress is such a huge factor in whether a cycle is successful, and both of us feeling that we were in way over our heads, we called the center and pushed our cycle out one month, with the option to push it back further, if necessary.  We are now figuring out whether we are willing to go ahead this month, or wait a while longer, or do it at all.  In that vein, we wanted to wait until Lil' Bit had her follow-up appointment with her pulmonary hypertension specialist yesterday.

Before we get back to the fascinating baby conversation, take another quick detour with me as I summarize where we stand with Lil' Bit's treatment:

1)  We can finally stop one of her three meds (after weaning for 1 week).  Hooray!  Happy dance!  *Insert other related excitement responses here*

2)  Her two other meds are still 2 and 4 times a day, respectively, and can't be within an hour of each other.  So, meds still 6X per day.  Boo!

3)  Her pressures did not go down, but they also did not go up.  *Insert neutral response here*

4)  Her condition is likely chronic, but that doesn't mean she won't get off the meds.  There are generally no concerns for children with pressures where hers are currently, but they want to keep her on the meds for about a year to see if the pressures will go down further.  *Neutral response, maybe slightly positive*

5)  She doesn't need to go back to the doctor for 3 months and won't have to have a heart cath for probably a year!  Yay!!!! *repeat*

6)  She still has to have monthly blood tests for one of her meds.  Boo!!  *repeat*

7)  She can go back to daycare in January!  Woo freakin' who!!!  [This is, truly, what will save our lives!  As a brief aside--a giant thank-you to those ladies who have come to watch Lil' Bit at our house so I could go back to work!!!]

In sum, still lots to do, but generally good news.  Lil' Bit it doing great.  In fact, you would think she's on speed with all the extra energy she now has, which is, apparently, fairly common in children who undergo heart surgery.

We return, now, to last night's baby conversation.  *Spoiler alert*  We still haven't decided where we are.  But in the process of talking about it, something interesting came up.  Phil was talking about how difficult it had been to interrupt his day to have to come home and give Lil' Bit meds at various times.  We discovered that he was experiencing something akin to the frustration I had felt when I had to do all the pumping.  Before I moved to a 4 or even 3-a-day schedule, I had been pumping 6 times a day, roughly every 4 hours.  Count 45 minutes for prep and pumping and another 15 for clean up, and it honestly felt like all I did was pump.  I would just get started on something else when I would have to go back and pump.  Likewise, Phil would get started on a project and suddenly discover that he had to run home and medicate Lil' Bit.  5 minutes of driving, 10 minutes of prep, 5 minutes of feeding meds (if lucky), 20 minutes of waiting to see if they took, 5 minutes driving back and *poof* he was losing multiple hours each day.  In the midst of this discussion, we both became more cognizant of the toll things were taking on us.  He had a better understanding of how difficult pumping had been, and I had a better understanding of how coming home to give meds was affecting him.  And we both became aware that it was the disruption to our routine that was causing so much stress.  As we talked about what it would mean to have Lil' Bit back in daycare so that much of our routine could return, we began to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Routine, it turns out, is important for more than getting babies to sleep.

Ultimately, it was a good and important moment in the conversation because we were both reminded that stress, frustration, and lack of sleep are mutual enemies, against which we must present a united front.  By recognizing that we are both "done," we are much better out being less snippy and not taking our stress out on the other person.  Don't get me wrong, we're far from perfect, but I think we're doing a pretty good job.

In any event, here we are.  No decisions on a second child and still somewhat stressed by the first.  But things are improving, and time is passing, and we're getting settled into a routine.  Which begs the question--do we really want to wreck our new routine when we're just figuring it out?  Stay tuned, dear readers, to find out if we're crazy enough to attempt it.