Already?!

As you know, we decided to do one last round of IVF in September.  As it's still June (although just barely), September seems so very far away.  Summer just started; September means school.  That's forever away.  Now, I would be lying to say I haven't been thinking about our last time--it consumes much of my free thought--whenever I actually have some, and I keep getting frustrated that I have to wait so long.  But, this week brought me back to the now.  Because, you see, I had forgotten something.  Something that is both exciting and terrifying.  In the world of IVF, it's already time to start gearing up!  Ack!  I'm not ready!

I spoke to one of the IVF coordinators this week about getting the meds ordered and they will be sending me my folder and consent forms within the next week or so.  We're doing the long protocol again, so in roughly one month, at the end of July, we start the process.  Granted, the first 21 days are more waiting, but we have to actively and accurately count those 21 days.  On day 21 (roughly August 18), the shots start again.  Holy cow!  I am less than 2 months away from starting shots!  And I haven't even thought about what to put in my feel better bucket this time!  Breathe.  *gasp*  Breathe.  *gasp*  BREATHE! *pant pant* Okay.  I'm okay.

Ten to fourteen days later (last time it was 12), we start the additional meds and begin what they call "procedure month," i.e. the 18-day countdown to transfer.  Since they only do transfers Tuesday through Friday, we'll make sure that day 18 falls on one of those days before we start.  That means we're looking at a transfer maybe September 14, but more likely September 19, 20, or 21.  All of which means a June baby. June.  It's June now!  If we're successful, in less than a year I will have another child!

All of this is so crazy to contemplate.  I am so excited (you can tell by the fact that I got to plan out all those numbers up there)!  I'm also terrified.  Although I am still absolutely certain that this will be our last round, it's bittersweet.  It means we've reached the end of our journey in creating our family.  All of the time, energy, and resources we have been utilizing to make decisions and plans and take care of all the medical stuff necessary to make it happen will be over.  No more shots.  No more calendars.  No more agonizing decisions.  I can have my surgery and we can work on settling in as a family of whatever size--3, 4, 5(?!).  And whether that event occurs October with an unsuccessful try, sometime thereafter with a pregnancy loss, or next June with another baby, it's going to happen within the next year.  It means change.  It means loss.  It means growth.  It means time is moving on.

I know everyone always said that time moves so much faster as you get older and even more so once you have kids.  I am discovering how true that really is.   So, as I kick myself into overdrive, trying to lose that last bit of weight, planning things for my feel better bucket, and getting myself physically and mentally prepared, I want to also take a few extra minutes each day with Lil' Bit and enjoy her just as she is.  Be amazed at who she is becoming.  Because whether she's an only child or a big sister, change is coming, and it will be here soon.  In fact, it's almost already here.