No Longer a Need

Lil' Bit was sitting in my lap and we were enjoying some snuggle time before I took her to daycare.  I reached around her and gave her a big hug and a smooch on the top of her head.  She reached her arms up and snuggled me back.  Suddenly, I had this overwhelming sense of peace and calm.  I realized I wasn't worried about the upcoming procedure.  I'm didn't feel like my world would end if it didn't work.  In that moment, having another child changed from a "need" to a want.  I still want a sibling for Lil' Bit.  I still want to experience pregnancy one more time.  I still want the opportunity to raise and nurture another life.  But that desperate, gnawing, insatiable need is no longer there.  When I think about pregnant women and those trying to get pregnant, there's no anger; only joy and hope.  I don't know if this feeling will last, or for how long, but I am going to do my best to keep it around.  10 shots, 13 days, and counting...