The Consequences of Getting What You Want

I am a firm believer that we are co-creators of our world and that it is very important to place our energy on things we want and not on things we don't.  This is not to say that I can simply wish myself a million dollars, much as many of us would like that to be true.  But where we focus our energy has consequences.  And so, during this stressful week, I added another mantra to my repertoire:  Although I most desire an easy pregnancy, I would rather have a freaked-out pregnancy than no pregnancy at all.  Well, I got what I wanted--a pregnancy.

This past Monday I called the center to report more bleeding.  In fact, this week it pretty much became a constant, unwanted companion.  I asked whether I could move my ultrasound up to find out what was going on.  No luck.  They were all full-up.  The nurses did their best to reassure me that it was probably nothing and not to worry.  However, I remember them giving me the same spiel when I was miscarrying, so it really provided no comfort.  I considered going to an urgent care or ER, but the truth was it wasn't "really" an emergency.  Yes, I wanted to know, but if the center wasn't that concerned, it wasn't worth tying up ER resources over.  I bided my time and waited impatiently for Thursday to arrive.  Of course, Thursday started with lots of cramping and bright red bleeding, which made waiting for my afternoon appointment excruciating.  Still, the time finally arrived.  I advised my doctor of the issues we'd been having and then we looked at the ultrasound to see what was going on.

The good news:  there was a baby--and only one (we don't have to buy tons of new stuff--whew!).  The baby measured .56 cm, which was exactly on target, and had a strong heart rate of 123 (I giggle every time I type this because Lil' Bit has recently learned to count to three, so when I type it, in my mind I hear her say 'one, two, free'--but I digress).  However, the doctor was concerned with the cramping and bleeding and put me on bed rest (he called it a vacation from work, but I'll be working from home) for a week and a half or so, followed-up by another ultrasound.  He said he was pleased with what he saw but, "now that we got you a baby, we have to fight for it."

So, here I am, fighting for my adorable jellybean by laying on the sofa with a laptop on my stomach and drinking all the water I can stand.  It's frustrating, but it beats the alternative.  EDD:  November 4.  Grow, baby, grow!