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6.03.2013

Pregnancy Comparisons

I knew going into this process that pregnancies can be very different.  But, much like when people tell you parenting will be hard, you have no real concept of what that truly means until it actually happens.  So, here I am, wallowing in the midst of a very different pregnancy, struggling to try and enjoy it.  In all honesty, I am glad we decided it would be my last.  Even if we hadn't, my experiences this time probably would have sent me to that decision anyway.  Between periods of bedrest, bleeding, round ligament pain (OMG! I did not have this at all last time and it is horrible--imagine a charlie-horse in your groin every time you stand up or roll over in bed), weekly doctor's appointments, extra ultrasounds and a fetal echocardiogram, and being older with less energy to boot, this pregnancy is anything but a cake walk.  Don't get me wrong.  I am well-aware that it could be much worse.  Still, I just never anticipated quite how different from my first pregnancy this one would be.

What's more, the things that are the same as last time aren't terribly great.  For example:  I once again have a low-lying, anterior (up front) placenta.  Now, the ultrasound tech informed me that pretty much everyone's placenta appears to be low-lying at this point, so she's not worried about that, particularly given that it moved well last time.  There's also nothing horrible about the anterior position of the placenta, except it means I likely won't feel Jellybean moving around until 22 weeks.  That's a bummer because I was really looking forward to feeling baby sooner this time.  I also wish the nurses would stop asking every visit if I can feel baby move--it makes me panic even though I know why I can't feel any movements yet.  Hopefully, things will look better at our ultrasound this week.

What else is the same?  Having gestational diabetes.  Although this time around it's so much more complicated.  Between drawing blood four times a day to test my sugars, and three shots a day of both long and short-acting insulin, I have already had my fill of needles.  I have managed to lump my 8 pills and 3 shots per day into only 6 medication administrations, but add in Lil' Bit's 5 medication administrations and it gets really complicated.  So far, I have missed or slept through multiple blood-sugar tests, two or three fast-acting insulin shots, and two long-lasting insulin shots.  This, even though I set timers on my phone for the two meds I was having the most trouble remembering to take.  I suppose that, on average, this is not a bad record, but it is frustrating all the same.  My doc said that if we can get me to the point where my sugars seem pretty well-regulated, I may not have to test four times a day.  On the other hand, given that my insulin resistance is expected to increase as we go along, I'm not convinced that there will really come a time when my sugars are well-regulated.  Still, I have managed to keep from having to have a fast-acting insulin shot at breakfast, so that's something.

I have been doing pretty well on eating appropriately and have managed to get in a decent amount of exercise by doing nesting/cleaning activities.  Still, I find myself drawn to the things that have less nutritive value.  One day, I caved and exchanged 31 carbs for 15 gummy bears.  Even so, I must be doing pretty good since I've managed to only gain two pounds since February when we started IVF.  I just find it difficult to focus on the good things when I am perpetually watching the clock to determine if it's time again to eat or test and then calculating how many carbs I should be eating at that particular time.

Still, I am doing my best to look on the bright side.  Having an ultrasound roughly every four weeks means lots of chances to see the Jellybean and weekly appointments let me hear the heartbeat.  I'm hopeful that as things progress, I will find it easier to take pleasure in this pregnancy instead of just wanting to get it over with.  Until then, I'll just trying to keep doing what I'm told and follow Dory's advice from Finding Nemo: "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming..."

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