I'm going to start with a confession. I am a lifelong romance novel addict. I started purchasing teen romance novels when I was 11 and, by 14, my best friend and I were devouring bodice-rippers that featured Fabio on the cover. These days, I tend to prefer contemporary romance, but I have read all different kinds through the years. The ones set in older times have always had something of a "rape-fantasy" quality to them, which is why I don't really care for them. But, although certainly not true of all of them, I have come across more and more contemporary romance novels that appear to feed into a culture of rape. As someone raising a daughter, this absolutely terrifies me.
But these are just stories, right? They aren't real, so it doesn't matter. But it does! How many generations of young women are we still working to reprogram because they were raised on princess myths and are still waiting for Prince Charming to arrive. I remember when I read the Twilight series. I really enjoyed the storytelling, but there was no take-away message from those books. I don't want my daughter to think that any of the relationships in those books are appropriate. And the truth is, we can write great books and great stories without these underlying rape myths that would lost nothing in the telling.
Here are a few examples:
First, what is with describing consensual (and, given the story context, pleasurable) kissing as "assaulting" or "assailing" someone? Although every state has its own definition, at common law, an assault is an intentional act that causes another to fear immediate harmful or offensive contact. If the kissing is enjoyable and mutual, there is nothing harmful or offensive about it. Thus, assault is not even an appropriate word. The kissing might be confusing, overwhelming, intense, unrelenting. Who knows! There are so many words out there. Use a thesaurus if you have to, but for goodness sake, quit using criminal words to describe it! Save "assault" for when someone is being kissed and doesn't want to be.
Next, there seem to be a lot of stories where the "hero" can no longer control himself and just has to kiss (or fondle) the woman. But, if the woman doesn't want to be kissed, this is more than just assault--this is battery. And yet, our "heroines" always capitulate. They are stiff for a few seconds and then "give in." I am amazed at how many books describe the men as "forcing" the woman's mouth open with his tongue and the woman just sighs and wraps her arms around him, begging for more. Really?! This is what we want people to think is appropriate behavior? How is this not teaching men that forcing themselves on women will ultimately make the women respond in a positive way? Furthermore, why is it that all of these fine, upstanding "heroes" suddenly lose all ability to control their conduct around these women. It just reinforces the absurd belief that women cause rape simply by existing. Just by being around these man, they have so tempted him that he cannot control himself and is simply unable to conform his conduct to the appropriate societal standards.
I don't know that these authors mean to give these types of messages. Perhaps they are unconsciously including them because our society is already conditioned to accept them. I don't have any answers. Maybe it doesn't bother anyone else, but it sure as heck bothers me, and if I don't speak up and share my discomfort and concern, nobody knows. Still, I'd love to have some feedback. Do you see the same thing and have the same concerns? Do you have any ideas how to "fix" it? Do you think I'm overreacting?
Thank you for "saying" this in black and white. I have long felt this way and, other than an occasional email to the author, have not spoken up. By the way, the response I got was, basicslly, "if it makes you uncomfortable, don't read my books." I'm glad to know someone else feels this was.
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