3.27.2010

Feeling Pregnant

I've heard stories of people who just knew they were pregnant. I am not one of them. Even after multiple test results to reassure me, I didn't feel any different (except *really* happy)! And when it's this early, and you can't feel anything, and you're not showing, some days, you actually forget. At least, I do.

For example, on Wednesday, I went to lunch with a friend of mine to Red Lobster--one of my all-time favorites. Generally, we would go for dinner and I would always get a pina colada. I remember thinking to myself that I couldn't have one this time, not because I was pregnant, but because it was the middle of the work day. It wasn't until I got home that night that I remembered I couldn't have one for another reason. Duh!

It turns out that, quite by accident, I found a way to feel pregnant (without doing something stupid like going broke on pee sticks). Yesterday, I went out with a group of friends for my annual birthday gathering. We had great fun (we always do), but we did something new this year. After dinner, we ended up at a shop for maternity wear. It was exciting and entertaining. I put on a fake belly and tried on clothes. There was lots of great stuff on sale and so I decided to give in and use my birthday money to get them. As I was buying the clothes, I discovered that having the clothes made it real. I *felt* pregnant.

In that moment, I also knew why I hadn't before--I had forgotten to do something to celebrate it. I had been trying not to get too attached in case something happened instead of celebrating the moment and relishing my success and good fortune. What I needed was to get attached; to get excited. I don't have to go all out and paint the nursery or buy a crib and bedding just yet, but getting the clothes seem to be the perfect blend of acceptance and excitement. Just enough, so that I finally feel pregnant.

No comments:

Post a Comment