The Return of the Rollercoaster

Although this post will not be published for about 5 more days, I wanted to write it because I find that it is hard to recreate the experience of feelings when I am writing after the fact.  Hopefully, by the time this posts, we'll be making grand pronouncements of joy.  But, because the whole purpose of this blog is to chronicle the experience, here is Friday's experience:

So, I managed to wait until today to poas.  It was difficult, but I got there.  And, about 1:30 a.m., I took the plunge.  Here's the result:

You may not be able to see it very well, as these things aren't made for photographing, but there it is!  TWO, count them, TWO lines.  Although the first one is very faint, I have been told numerous time that "a line is a line is a line."  I woke Phil up and said, "It's positive!"  God bless him, he sleepily said, "What is?"  "The hpt!"  He gave me a kiss and we snuggled back in for sleep; sleep that never came for me.  When the alarm went off at 4:45a.m., I had not yet fallen back to sleep.  The adrenaline kept pumping!  We agreed to tell our parents and 3 other people, but otherwise we wanted to keep things quiet until both betas confirmed not just the pregnancy, but its viability.

I'm glad we waited.  Just a few hours later, I started experiencing horrible cramping and some spotting.  I texted Phil at work to tell him and I called my clinic.  The nurse called me back and reassured me that this can be totally normal and that, although its a little early to rely on the hpt, I could probably take some comfort in it, but we had to wait until Monday to do the first beta.

ARAGH!  As I lay on my sofa, drinking water and trying to rest, my emotions ran all over the place.  Why!  Why did I have to test this morning?!  Why did I get my very first 2 line test only to have the joy destroyed.  But, by the time Phil came home with my comfort food lunch (Taco Bell, if you must know), I realized that my positive hpt was a blessing.  If I had started cramping and spotting without that knowledge, I would have been even more of a basket case waiting until Monday.  Those little lines gave me comfort and helped me get through the day.

And, my chocolate-covered strawberries arrived today!  I discovered them back in 2006 when I was interning for a local judge.  I have since ordered them for many special occasions and sent them out for Mother's Day.  When I realized that our beta tests were going to fall around Valentine's Day, I declared that I was going to have chocolate on hand to either celebrate or drown my sorrows in.  In the process of trying to decide what to get, I realized that I really wanted my strawberries.  So, I ordered 2 dozen and had them shipped early.  Their arrival today was most timely!  I plowed through four of them shortly after getting them in the door and felt much calmer.  [I also rationalized that chocolate is good for babies!]

Anyway, I think I'm on a slightly more even keel while I wait for the official betas.  I haven't decided if I'll do another hpt tomorrow or Sunday.  I may just wait for my betas.  After all, an hpt can't tell me whether the numbers are doubling; just if the hCG is there and, according to the one today, it is.  For now, the waiting continues.