See You at the Top

Yesterday was our last FET.  The doctor transferred two good, growing embryos-one 8-cell and one 6-cell.  I'm now on bed rest for two days and then still have a few restrictions.  The most difficult is that I can't lift my daughter for four days!  It's meant rearranging our schedule and trying to explain to a toddler why mommy can't pick her up or put her to bed at night.  Still, it's only a few days, so I know we'll manage.

Blood tests are scheduled for October 1 & 3.  However, as with the last one, I intend to poas (pee on a stick) starting September 28.  Results will not be announced until the official blood test, however.  That way, if we do get a positive early, we have a few days to enjoy the knowledge ourselves and, if we get negatives, we can disregard them until we get the official word.

So, here I am.  In my last tww (two week wait).  I realize that it's only a 7-day wait to some degree given my choice to poas, and it's only 10 days until the official test.  Still, in pregnancy land, we have standard language that everyone understands, so we stick with it.  Besides, it doesn't matter if the wait is only 2 days, it feels like forever.  This time around, I find myself both more and less anxious to know.  Much like Schrodinger's cat, as long as I don't look, there's still the possibility that there's a baby in there.  But, for now, I know that there are 2 babies in there.  Only they can decide how long they plan to stay, but I keep talking to them, letting them know that we're ready and we hope that one or both of them choose to stick around.

And the truth is, we mean it.  Would twins be hard?  Yes.  Would another child with medical issues be hard? Yes.  Do I have any idea how I would handle it?  No.  But I do know that I can handle it.  I am capable of handling whatever comes.  Would I prefer easy?  Yes.  Wouldn't everyone?!  But, ultimately, we'll get what we get.  And so we wait.  Anxious.  Excited.  Happy.  Terrified.  Just like both times before.

Having sped down the first giant hill and flipped through a couple twists, we have arrived at the slow, anticipatory climb up the next big hill.  It serves as time to both catch our breath and freak out about what is up ahead.  But as we climb, I notice that the top of the hill flattens out a bit and splits off in two directions.  One way has a quick drop that then heads directly back to the station.  The other drops into some loops and heads off toward more hills and twists in the distance.  Since I don't know which one we're going to get, I am going to try and sit back and enjoy whatever time I have left on this ride.  See you at the top.