I know I said I wasn't posting anything until tomorrow, but since the whole point is to share the journey, here's what's been going on the last week or so.
Fertility clinics and many fertility patients will tell you that hpts (home pregnancy tests) are evil. Why? Because they can be wrong and cause extra turmoil on an already rough road. For people doing fresh cycles, if they are done too early, they can pick up the hCG from the trigger shot, causing a potential false positive. For other people, they can cause false negatives because the hCG amount is too small to be picked up on the hpt even though the person is pregnant. For me, they have been emotionally taxing, but I am ultimatelly glad I chose to use them.
Before I explain, here is some terminology from the ttc (trying to conceive) community:
3dt = 3-day transfer, i.e., the embryos are 3 days old at the time of transfer
dpt = days past transfer
dpo = days past ovulation
Thus, 2dp3dt means 2 days past a 3-day transfer, which is equivalent to 5dpo.
Now, where was I? Ah, yes. When I went through my fresh cycle with Lil' Bit. I followed the advice of the clinic and refused to use an hpt. I was afraid that a negative would cause too much despair and a positive would make me question whether it was just residual trigger shot. I would question the result either way. So, if it couldn't give me any answers to make me feel better, I wasn't going to use it. At 11dp3dt, my beta was 22 and, based on the subsequent numbers, she more than doubled every 48 hours. Since many hpts only have a sensitivity of 25 and the lowest I've seen is 15, my pregnancy with her likely wouldn't have shown up on an hpt before the beta.
When I went through the first FET, I decided that since there was no trigger shot, there was nothing to cause a false positive, so I would give it a try. I first used an hpt 8dp3dt and got a very light positive, which got darker over the next few days of testing. The positive result was confirmed by my blood beta test, which was done 11dp3dt.
Having had two successful transfers (i.e., both achieved pregnancy even though I miscarried with the second), I saw no reason to expect anything different and I began testing at 6dp3dt. My plan was to see how early the test would show me those two lines. Well, the plan blew up in my face. I got negatives both 6 and 7dp3dt, but I wasn't surprised because it was still extremely early. However, as the days went by, every morning I got the same thing: a negative. Each new negative made it less likely that I was pregnant. I was not without hope, however.
According to my research, the latest a blastocyst will implant is 10dpo or 7dp3dt. If implantation occurred that late, it was unlikely to show up this morning on even the most sensitive test. In addition, I looked back at my numbers from Lil' Bit and, as noted above, that pregnancy probably would not have showed up on an hpt. So, it's still possible. How probable it is I don't know. There are no statistics for how many embryos implant late and, of those, how many take, etc. etc. All I can do is wait.
We won't get an official answer until sometime tomorrow. And the truth is, even then, we go back for another beta on Wednesday because it's possible that it will show an increase even if the first number is super low. So, even a negative tomorrow isn't definitive--although it certainly makes that outcome more likely. But, as much as I have been all over the place these last few days with the negative results and trying to hold on to hope, I think that I am ultimately glad I tested. It has helped me pre-grieve and prepare myself for a negative. That way, if it comes, I will be more capable of holding myself together at work tomorrow. And, if I get a positive instead, I will be that much more excited.
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