The Unplanned Plan

I began my shots for this latest FET attempt on January 18.  I wasn't sure what to expect since I have had varied responses to the Lupron.  Fortunately, this time around, Mutant M returned.  Outside of the fact that I still suck at giving myself shots, even after all of this practice, I have had no reactions or responses to the meds.  Yay!

I have been doing my best not to plan and let things fall as they will this time around.  Today, I had my blood drawn for my estrogen levels to make sure my system is adequately suppressed.  The magic number was below 50, and I was at 30.  The nurse noted that last time I was at 29, and commented that I appear to have a pretty consistent response to the medication.  Anyway, because the blood work was good, we set about scheduling the FET.  Dear readers, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.  My FET is scheduled for Valentine's Day.  The day after Ash Wednesday, when Phil's (other) busy season officially begins.  The day one year ago when we were excited because our first beta had come back positive.  I rather expect that, even without being hopped up on hormones, I would have been pretty emotional that day.  Now, it's pretty much guaranteed.  And, with the whole Lenten element this time, there will be plenty of stress to try and avoid.  Still, I can feel the excitement growing; the hope building.  Third time's the charm, right?!  I have been trying to keep my feelings in check, knowing that there are no guarantees.  It doesn't matter.  I am who I am, and I am a person who hopes and dreams big, even if it means my feelings get horribly dashed when things go wrong.

We do have one last, rather important, decision to make, though.  Two or three.  The doctor has recommended we transfer three embryos given my history and age, and I have researched the recommended protocols and confirmed that three is perfectly appropriate under these circumstances.  And, since it increases the odds of success, it increases the odds that I don't ever have to do this again.  So, for many reasons, three is the way to go.  But, it takes us back to the big question--could we handle multiples if they all stuck around?  The answer is, technically, yes.  We have the ability and capacity to do it.  Nevertheless, it would be extremely challenging.  Certainly, I am less afraid that I would actually end up with triplets now that I have had a completely failed cycle and knowing that, each time we go back, the embryos we are using are considered of lower grade than the ones previously.  Still the idea of triplets scares me.  Enough to stick with two?  I'm not sure yet, but we have to decide soon; probably within the next 12 days so that the center knows how many to thaw.

Even so, the news is good and exciting.  I start taking the hormones tonight.  We are underway.  The 18-day countdown has begun!  And so, I leave you with my hope, my wish, and my sense of humor.  Because, you see, I have figured out what I am giving up for Lent this year.  I am giving up not being pregnant.

The Demise of Mutant M

So, back in January when I was undergoing my previous FET, I mentioned how my doctor had pronounced me a mutant because I didn't seem to experience any of the side effects of the medicine and, lo, Mutant M was born.  Sadly, Mutant M seems to have passed.  This time around, I have had headaches, stinging and slight rash at the injection site, and, most frustratingly, become an emotional wreck.  Every time I get into my car to go somewhere--work, the store, day care, dairy queen--I get all teared up and sad.

Now, there are any number of reasons for this.  One possibility is that I am totally stressed, which is making me emotional.  Possible.  But, honestly, if stress were going to cause it, I think I would have experienced it back in January when we were still learning how to cope with Lil' Bit post-surgery with meds and everything.  My personal theory?  My anti-depressants.  I am physically, chemically different than I was the last two times I took the Lupron and, since side effects are essentially chemical responses or reactions, it makes logical sense.  Ultimately, though, it doesn't really matter what has caused it.  And, at least now I can empathize with all the other ladies who experienced these symptoms.  Still, I (and likely Phil) am sad to see Mutant M go.  On the plus side, since this is our last try, I don't have to worry about whether it will bother me in the future.

So long Mutant M.  It was nice while it lasted.

18 days, 14 shots, and counting...