A Grief Divided

There is an old saying that has come in many forms, but boils down to:  A joy shared is a joy multiplied; a grief shared is a grief divided.  I have come to understand this "proverb" a little better this week in two ways.

First, I found out that my blog has helped several people dealing with similar issues.  I was so pleased to hear this because that was one of the purposes of my blog.  Although the main purpose was to have a place to get my feelings out so that I could deal with them, opening the dialogue so that other women did not have to feel alone has always been part of this process.  So, even though my blog posts don't usually generate a hundred hits, the fact that it is helping someone is wonderful news to me.

On the flip side, I have been blessed and humbled to read blog posts by other women who experienced loss that, in retrospect, seems so much more difficult than what I faced.  I am amazed at their strength and grateful that they took the time to share their grief with the world because, just as my stories have helped others, their stories have helped me.  They are both women who had the courage and hope to try pregnancy again after having stillborn children.

Here are their stories:

Erica Crum - Remembering Kinley

Lucy - What I Never Knew I Wanted

One of the things I have struggled with as I consider whether I am willing to try again is, how do I not be anxious?  How do I experience joy when I know it can be gone in an instant?  At what point will it be "safe" to prepare for the child?

Recently, I heard another story about a baby born at 27 weeks to a couple who had undergone infertility treatments for several years.  The baby weighed less than 2 pounds and had severe medical issues.  All of these stories together made me realize something.  There's never a safe month.  Babies can miscarry, be stillborn, die shortly after birth, early in childhood, as teenagers, young adults, or adults.  They can die from medical problems, accidents, or other people's intentional bad acts.  There is nothing safe about trying to bring another life into the world and there is no point at which the loss does not hurt.  The trick is in finding the joy in each day, loving them as hard as you can, as much as you can, every moment you have them.  This truth was shown to me in the most recent post from Erica Crum in which she stated:

Today, I'm 29 weeks pregnant, the same day in pregnancy that Kinley was born. Every single day from now on is a day longer than I got to have with Kinley. Thank you Lord for the blessing of each and every day with her for years and years to come!!!!!

This, to me, is an amazing affirmation of living in the moment and taking joy in each day.  We never know how long we, or our children, will be in this world.  So let's all make sure we make the most of it.