So, here we are. Day 21. I have just completed my first shot of my last IVF cycle. I'm still surprised by how hard it is to give myself shots. I thought I would be less anxious by now. But, no. No matter how many shots I have given myself--and each time the count goes up by at least one--I still have to psych myself up. In fact, this one felt harder to convince myself to do than the very first shot I did 2 1/2 years ago. I don't know if it's because of the finality of this cycle, or just my inherent survival instincts telling me to avoid pain. Whatever it is, though, I overcame it and gave myself the shot. Go me! I marked the occasion with my traditional smiley face on my shot calendar, and now, I will go find something in my feel-better box to reward myself!
But the fact remains, I am standing at the beginning of the end. My last chance to experience pregnancy and carry another child. My last chance at a sibling for Lil' Bit. My last heartbreak if it fails or I miscarry. This ride is both familiar and brand new. Although I know what to expect for the most part, I have no idea how knowing this is the last time will affect all of those experiences. But I am ready. And so, it is with anxiety, fear, trembling, trepidation, and excitement, but most of all, trust in our decision, that I step off the platform, sit down in the seat, and pull down the lap bar to secure myself for my last ride on the fertility roller coaster.
Shot calendar with a single smiley face
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